We calculate the distance to the farthest reaches of the universe , we gauge the depths of the seas. We measure success and we measure our worth… but we have yet to discover how much the human heart can hold.
Nor can one fathom, much less hope to ascertain, the capacity of this one blessed grandmother’s heart.
“Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild”~Welsh Proverb~
The birth of my first grandchild was anticipated with unbridled joy.
Indeed, I was downright giddy. At times, I felt selfish and and somewhat guilty over my inability to restrain my my jubilance as my poor daughter struggled to maintain her composure and her dignity in those last uncomfortable months of her pregnancy. This child was going to be a whopper, and it was more than evident in her belly, her gait, and her obvious physical discomfort.
On February 16th, 2008 this bouncing baby boy made his grand entrance into our world. All 10 lbs, 2 oz. of him. He was so big, I had joked about him arriving on his Hotwheels at his own debut. He was PERFECT from the top of his head to his tiny pink toes.
As I gazed at him in awe and wonder before they whisked him away to be weighed, measured, poked and prodded, an indescribable, overwhelming wave of emotion washed over me. Part deja-vu as images of flashed before me of my own two wee ones I had brought into this world so many years ago, and part something new..totally new and unfamiliar. What WAS this feeling? Was it mere emotion, or was it something more?
I had always thought a mother could experience no greater love than to lay eyes on her newborn.. that it was virtually beyond the realm of possibility to know any greater ecstasy that to nuzzle the soft, warm cheek of one’s offspring the moments after birth.
But this? NOW? What WAS this palpable, aching fullness I was feeling in my chest? Again.. a sensation more than emotional.. but PHYSICAL! I could literally feel the walls of my heart expanding as it seemed to grow larger and larger.. a bright red balloon being slowly filled.. and filled.. then filled some more..with the warm breath of purest love. How far would it stretch? Would it finally rupture and burst? Or would my feet simply rise up off the floor, would I find myself floating up toward the ceiling, bobbing gently like a helium balloon? Just what WAS the ultimate capacity of my heart? How much more could it possibly hold?
It remains the unanswered question.
There is a seemingly unlimited capacity for love. If we are indeed made in our Creator’s image, as I believe we are, then this should come as no surprise. The breath of Love breathed into us is the same love that we too, are capable of.
Unlimited. Unending. Unyielding. Unrelenting. And UNCONDITIONAL.
The “condition” of my grandson’s Autism only serves to stretch the walls of my heart to an even greater degree. To make room for even more love. He is nothing less than perfect in my eyes. For I see this child not merely with the eye…
…but with the heart.
The heart of a grandmother.. blessed beyond “measure” to have him in my life and to love..unconditionally.
Omi loves you, Gavin. Forever and Always.